Category Archives: Time for a Joke

Time For A Joke: Wisdom Of 5th Graders

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Fifth Grade Assignment

Wouldn’t this be great if it was taught in every school.

A fifth grade teacher in a Christian school asked her class to look At TV commercials and see if they could use them in 20 ways To communicate ideas about God.

Here are some of the results:

God is like.
BAYER ASPIRIN
He works miracles.

God is like.
A FORD
He’s got a better idea..

God is like.
COKE
He’s the real thing.

(This is great)

God is like.
HALLMARK CARDS
He cares enough to send His very best.

God is like.
TIDE
He gets the stains out others leave behind. …

God is like.
GENERAL ELECTRIC
He brings good things to life.

God is like.
WAL-MART
He has everything.

God is like.
ALKA-SELTZER
Try Him, you’ll like Him

God is like.
SCOTCH TAPE
You can’t see Him, but you know He’s there.

God is like..
DELTA
He’s ready when you are.

God is like.
ALLSTATE
You’re in good hands with Him.

God is like.
VO-5 Hair Spray;
He holds through all kinds of weather

God is like.
DIAL SOAP
Aren’t you glad you have Him? Don’t you wish everybody did?

God is like .
The U.S. POST OFFICE
Neither rain, nor snow, nor sleet nor ice will keep Him from His appointed destination.

God is like.
Chevrolet. . . .the heart beat of America

God is like Maxwell House. …. .
Good to the very last drop

God is like.
B o u n t y . . . .
He is the quicker picker upper. . Can handle the tough jobs. ..
And He won’t fall apart on you

God is like
The Energizer Bunny
He Keeps Going, Going, and Going

***Author Unknown****

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Time For A Joke: The Relevance Of Scripture

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A new pastor was visiting the homes of his members.

At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his repeated knocks at the door. Therefore, he took out a card and wrote “Revelation 3:20″ on the back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, Genesis 3:10.”

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.

Revelation 3:20 begins “Behold, I stand at the door and knock.” Genesis 3:10 reads, “I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid, for I was naked.” ♥

Amusing Church Signs, Part 1

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As I was browsing the internet, I just had to laugh. I can picture these signs. Take a moment and share a light-hearted laugh with me!

1) Free Trip to heaven. Details Inside!
2) Try our Sundays. They are better than Baskin-Robbins.
3) Searching for a new look? Have your faith lifted here!
4) An ad for a Church has a picture of two hands holding stone tablets on which the Ten Commandments are inscribed and a headline that reads, “For fast, fast, fast relief, take two tablets.
5) When the restaurant next to the Church put out a big sign that said, “Open Sundays,” the church reciprocated with its own message: “We are open on Sundays, too.”
6) Have trouble sleeping? We have sermons — come hear one!
7) Come in and pray today. Beat the Christmas rush!
8) Sign broken. Message inside this Sunday.
9) Come work for the Lord. The work is hard, the hours are long and the pay is low. But the retirement benefits are out of this world.
10) If you’re headed in the wrong direction, God allows U-turns.

Think about all those – amusing but ring true most instances!!

Isn’t It Funny…

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ISN’T IT…
Funny how a $20.00 bill looks so big when
you take it to church, but so small when you
take it to the mall.

Funny how big an hour serving God looks and
how small 60 minutes are when spent
watching television, playing sports, sleeping
or taking a lunch break.

Funny how long a couple of hours spent at
church are but how short they are when
watching a good movie.

Funny how we get thrilled when a football
game goes into overtime, but we complain
when a sermon is longer than the regular
time.

Funny how laborious it is to read a chapter in
the Bible and how easy it is to read 200-300
pages of a best selling novel.

Funny how we believe what newspapers say,
but question what the Bible says.

Funny how people scramble to get a front
seat at a concert, but scramble to get a
back seat at the church service.

Funny how we cannot fit a gospel meeting
into our schedule with our yearly planner but
we can schedule for other events at a
moment’s notice.

Funny how we look forward to that big date
on Friday night, but complain about getting
up for church on Sunday morning.

Funny how we are rarely late to work, but
always late to church.

Funny how we call God our Father and Jesus
our brother, but find it hard to introduce
them to our family.

Funny how small our sins seem, but how big
their sins are.

Funny how we demand justice for others, but
expect mercy from God.

Funny how much difficulty some have learning
the gospel well enough to tell others, but
how simple it is to understand and explain the
latest gossip about someone else.

Funny how we can’t think of anything to say
when we pray, but don’t have any difficulty
thinking of things to talk about to a friend.

Funny how we are so quick to take directions
from a total stranger when we are lost, but
are hesitant to take God’s direction for our
lives.

Funny how so many church goers sing “Standing on the
promises” but all they do is sit on the premises.

Funny how people want God to answer their
prayers, but refuse to listen to His counsel.

Funny how we sing about heaven, but live
only for today.

Funny how people think they are going to
Heaven but don’t think there is a Hell.

Funny how it is okay to blame God for evil
and suffering in the world, but it is not
necessary to thank Him for what is good and
pleasant.

Funny how when something goes wrong, we
cry, “Lord, why me?” but when something
goes right, we think, “Hey, it must be me!”

Or wait…maybe all this isn’t so “funny” after all.

~  Author Unknown

Time for a Joke: Everyday Life in Atlanta, GA

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I got this via email, and found it too good to not pass along!
This is for anyone who lives in Atlanta, Georgia, has ever lived in Atlanta, has ever visited Atlanta, ever plans to visit Atlanta, knows anyone who already lives in Atlanta, or knows anyone who has ever heard of Atlanta.

Atlanta is composed mostly of one-way streets. The only way to get out of downtown Atlanta, is to turnaround and start over when you reach Greenville, South Carolina.

All directions start with, “Go down Peachtree” and include the phrase, “When you get to the Waffle House.” except if you happen to be in Cobb County, where all directions begin with, “Keep going until you get to the Big Chicken.”

Peachtree Street has no beginning, and no end, and is not to be confused with:
Peachtree Circle
Peachtree Place
Peachtree Lane
Peachtree Road
Peachtree Parkway
Peachtree Run
Peachtree Terrace
Peachtree Avenue
Peachtree Commons
Peachtree Battle
Peachtree Corners
New Peachtree
Old Peachtree
West Peachtree
Peachtree-Dunwoody
Peachtree-Chamblee
Peachtree Industrial Boulevard
[46 streets have Peachtree in their name]

Atlantans only know their way to work and their way home. If you ask anyone for directions, they will always send you down Peachtree.

Atlanta is the home of Coca-Cola. Coke is all they drink there so don’t ask for any other soft drink unless it’s made by Coca-Cola. Even if you want something other than a Coca-Cola, it’s still called Coke.

The gates at Atlanta ‘s Hartsfield-Jackson International Airport are about 32 miles away from the Main Concourse, so wear sneakers and pack a lunch.

The 8 a.m. rush hour is from 6:30 a.m. to 10:30 a.m.

The 5 p.m. rush hour is from 3:00 p.m. to 7:30 pm. (Don’t forget the lunch time rush hour!)

Friday’s rush hour starts Thursday afternoon and lasts through 2 a.m. Saturday.

Only a native can pronounce Ponce De Leon Avenue, so do not attempt the Spanish pronunciation. People will simply tilt their heads to the right and stare at you. The Atlanta pronunciation is ” pawntz duh LEE-awn.”

And yes, they have a street named simply, “Boulevard.”

The falling of one raindrop causes all drivers to immediately forget all traffic rules. If a single snowflake falls, the city is paralyzed for three days
and it’s on all the channels as a news flash every 15 minutes for a week. Overnight, all grocery stores will be sold out of milk, bread, bottled
water, toilet paper, and beer.

I-285, is the interstate loop that encircles Atlanta. It has a posted speed limit of 55 mph, but you have to maintain 80 mph just to keep from getting run over, and is known to truckers as “The Watermelon 500.”

Don’t believe the directional markers on highways: I-285 is marked “East” and “West” but you may actually be going North or South at any given time. The locals identify the direction by referring to the “Inner Loop” and the “Outer Loop .”

If you travel on Hwy 92 North, you will actually be going southeast.

Never buy a ladder or mattress in Atlanta. Just go to one of the interstates and you will soon find one in the middle of the road.

The last thing you want to do is give another driver the finger, unless your car is armored, your trigger finger is itchy and your AK-47 has a full clip.

Possums sleep in the middle of the road with their feet in the air.

There are 5,000 types of snakes and 4,998 live in Georgia .

There are 10,000 types of spiders. All 10,000 live in Georgia, plus a couple no one has seen before.

If it grows, it will scratch or stick you. If it crawls, it will bite you. If you are standing outdoors and notice a vine trying to wrap itself around
your leg, you have about 20 seconds to escape, before you are completely captured and covered with Kudzu.

It’s not a shopping cart, it’s a buggy.

“Fixinto” is one word (I’m fixinto go to the store) – also can be pronounced “Fixinta”.

Sweet Tea is appropriate for all meals and you start drinking it when you’re 2 years old.

“Jeet?” is actually a phrase meaning “Did you eat?”

“How’s Momma-nem” means: “How’s Mother and all of the other children and other members of the family doing?”

Now if you understand these jokes, forward them to your friends from Atlanta, Georgia, and those who just wish they were.