Right now, I sit and ponder many things. Above all else, I ask myself a question that burns with a passion. Why in the world did I wait THIS long to get real with myself, and before God. Of course He knows all things – everything I went through over the course of my life, leading up to present. But, I ask myself – why now? How come I waited this long to seek Him in a more real way? Having been in and around church growing up, I was that girl who know all the right answers. I knew to do right, and generally did. I had even asked Jesus to be a part of my life at a very early age. However, decisions I made personally allowed me to drift further and further away from my destiny in Him. He never, not once, left me. He was and is still the same God of all creation. He is constant. Me? I allowed myself to drift. Though I cannot really second guess myself, asking why I waited so long – I can not help but wonder how my life and the lives of others would be different. But, I cannot and will not dwell on the past. What I have learned is that I simply must live today with the potential it has. I must look forward to tomorrow and beyond with expectancy – in anticipation of what God is not only capable of, but what He is planning on doing.
My heart is just filled, to what seems to be nearly overflowing. I cannot comprehend or contain how truly amazing God is. More than that, I am finding – as I have mentioned recently – that there is an undescribable love I have for other people. This has not always been the case. There have been many times in my life that my life revolved around me, and what happened in my direct spehere of influence. But, what I am finding – now more than ever before, is that I genuinely care about people. I have asked God to birth in me a passion and love for the people He calls His children – all people. It has been my sincere honor and blessing to be able to reach out to people who are hurting, or who may just need to know that someone cares – and that God is there for them, no matter what. I believe that prayer is a mighty tool in the hands of those who believe in and trust God with their lives. Do not ever doubt the validity or necessity of prayer. From the family who is believing God for specific test results, to the family who has a family member battling disease, to the person who has lost all hope, to pretty much everyone alive – prayer matters. Prayer not only works, it is a necessity.
There have been times in my life that I wondered what life was really all about. I questioned my own worth and usefullness. It was not a matter of planning something drastic, so much as just pondering. However, now – I want my life to mean something. I want my life’s experiences to mean something. If just one person has hope, smiles, or is made to feel like they are not alone, it will have all been worth it. The more I live my life in the light of who God is, how He loves me, and what He has done for me, the more I know my life has meaning. I know, without a shadow of a doubt, that I am loved unconditionally. That, right there, is sometimes hard to even comprehend.
I know I have said this before, and will likely say it many times again, but to experience even a fraction of His very real love is truly life-changing. Did I just never get that real glimpse before? Did I never have that true life experience before? I don’t know. I can’t really say. However, what I can say is that I have felt His love in such a powerful way, that my life has changed, and is changing before my eyes. Are there still things in my life that I don’t like, and in need of change? Absolutely, without question! However, I firmly believe in both taking baby steps and giant leaps of faith. No matter which is the right season at the moment, know that it is not wrong. If you can only do little things – baby steps, know that you are moving forward. If you feel required to make giant leaps of faith, know again that you are moving forward – progressing towards the things in your heart to do. I see and feel things in my life that are changing all the time. Change is a process. It takes time – sometimes more than others.
Ultimately, I am just grateful to be where I am right now, at this moment – and looking forward to the future. Though I cannot say with certainty what the future holds, I know it will be full of His love, and ways to share that same love with hurting, thirsty and hungry people in this world. His love heals hurts. It mends broken hearts. It brings hope to the hopeless. It brings life. It sustains life. His love is very real, and I am grateful to experience it time and time again.