Tag Archives: hurting

Denial – That Land That Leads To Hurting And Hope

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Recently, I have had much time to thing. Ponder things. One such thing includes the much sought after question – WHY!?

The other day, I was having a particularly emotional day. I talked with several people – just because I have found the value in both connecting as well as asking for help. The help, in this case, was pretty much in the form of prayer. Nothing would change the exact scenario at hand, but prayer would bring the peace and courage to face it.

As I was chatting with a friend, I was speaking about my daughter. A friend of ours is also young (she’s 10) and fighting a battle with cancer. She is losing that battle, and has only been given a short time of life left this side of Heaven. That was particularly hard for me. I looked at the similarities with my daughter’s cancer and it got to me. My heart was broken, realizing the possibility that lies ahead with us. As I was chatting with my friend, it was noted that when I spoke about this, I simply could not talk about the possibility of her dying. I would mention it and say that “things might not go how we want” or “if one day she doesn’t make it” but it was pointed out that I didn’t seem able to face it head on and talk about it. My friend asked what I thought would help to get to the point where I could look at her situation, see similarities in other situations that might not be going well, and not get upset. How could I watch a friend with a daughter who is dying, and not let it bring me down to the point that it’s depressing because I liken it to our own situation.

It was a hard thing to ponder, much less identify. I did come to the realization that I was attempting to live in a land of denial. In my head, I realized that the cancer she is dealing with does not hold a good prognosis. She may or may not live and have the opportunity to grow up. However, I never have really dwelt on that. Nor had I ever allowed it go to from my head to my heart. I only saw it as a possibility. What I did not see it as was a possible reality. I had some pretty in depth conversations. Just looking at the facts, and realizing there is a possibility she could die was extremely hard. However, it has been helpful in that way to not live in denial. To not think and dwell on it to a point it brings me down is hard, but necessary. Well, it’s not necessary to dwell, so much as realize the possibility.

One huge thing for me to realize – even though I knew it – was that just because another child is dying (or even that seven or more children die every single day) as a result of childhood cancer, does not mean that will be the end of our story. Yes, my four year old daughter could die. However, having cancer is NOT an automatic death sentence.

The hardest part is to realize that death is a possibility. It is hard to fathom, and impossible to understand. However, just because it is possible doesn’t make it probable. We will pray for God’s will. I seriously hope His will includes her being completely healed – from the inside out. I hope His will includes her living, not dying – and going on to grow up and live a long life. I will not, however, live in fear and dread of the opposite. If, for whatever reason, my daughter does not “win” this battle with cancer the way we want to see it won, it does not mean God isn’t in control. My faith and prayer is for her healing. I pray that healing takes place while she is on earth. If not, my joy will come from knowing she beat me to Heaven, and will be able to spend time and be in the arms of Jesus. That’s actually a sweet and heartwarming thought. No, I don’t want it to happen, and I’m certainly not rushing to get there myself. It’s just a beautiful thought when you are able to look at death as not the final goodbye, and instead as the next segment of a beautiful journey in a different place.

If you are facing this, or any other similar medical diagnosis and just don’t know how to handle it, please feel free to connect with me. I have, by no means, got this all figured out. What I do have is peace. I have peace knowing that the outcome isn’t guaranteed – good or bad. I have peace knowing that my life, the life of every member of my family, is in His hands. The maker of the entire universe has us in His hands.

Regardless of your situation, I pray you can come to know the same peace. May the God of all creation hold you today.

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God Is Still Good…Even When My Heart Hurts

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I’m going to level with you. Right now, things are very difficult. My heart is heavy at times, and it hurts. A couple of friends asked me how I was doing today. My response was simple. I’m a bit sad today. To be honest with everyone, everything going on right now has become very hard for me to wrap my mind around. There are so many variables. There are so many unknowns. When I think of everything, it just makes me sad. When I realize how much we know, which is surrounded by how much we don’t know, I just shake my head at times. When I do even the slightest amount of research, or hear of what some of the possible prognosis might be for my daughter, my heart sinks. This, my friends, is reality.

However, all hope is not gone. Even though much of my thought process above appears negative, it doesn’t rule me. Yes, my heart feels broken at times. But, there is much hope. I want you to know that my faith is not gone. I rest on these things I know as FACTS. God is still God. God is still Good. God IS still in control. We may not have a definitive diagnosis, or even know what’s going on with my daughter, but God – and evidently God alone – does. With that in mind, my complete trust is in Him. Yes, I am believing God for complete healing…for a miracle. I also realize that healing comes in many forms. No matter what the situation at hand looks like, I know with complete certainty that God is in control. He knows the answers, and He knows every aspect of what is needed for her medical care.

I guess the point I am making is this — no matter what the situation, or how much I hurt, I KNOW God is the answer. My faith in a God larger than life is what sustains me right now. I’m physically and mentally exhausted at times, but God’s love poured out (often through His people) is like a breath of fresh air.

Thank you for your continued prayers for my daughter, and for our entire family. They are absolutely needed, as well as greatly appreciated!

(For those curious, we’ll update shortly on more specifics of what’s going on and where we stand with everything. Just taking things one day at a time right now.)

365 Moments Of Gratitude – Thankful That Somebody Is Praying Me Through

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Yesterday, I wrote an open and honest account of how I was feeling – and just the emotions that surrounded that. I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to read – but more than that, for taking the time to pray. Please know you have my gratitude. I have received words of support and encouragement from many of you – and I am grateful more than there are words. This is the beginning to a beautiful new day. In fact, I already shared one blog post that talks about a song that means a great deal to me. It’s referenced in this title as well. Knowing that you are not alone – and that you have people to lean on when you don’t feel the strength to stand firm on your own — that, my friends, is what the body of Christ is all about.

So, it is with gratitude that I say thank you for being part of the many “somebody’s” who are praying me through. Our God is good. He is faithful 100% of the time. His hands are not small that they cannot reach me. All of the things from yesterday are still real, and still there. However, with God – and the beautiful people He’s blessed me to do life together with – I am still standing. All these things are in His hands.

Thank you for your friendship and support – but especially for your prayers. Please connect and let me know how I can be praying with you as well! It’s an honor to do life with you.

Spotlight On Allen Asbury: Somebody’s Praying Me Through

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There is a song that a good friend of mine shared with me recently. It has come to mean the world to me. The song title speaks for itself: Somebody’s Praying Me Through. This song, like so many beautiful songs, has the potential to reach you exactly where you are.

When I recently found myself facing some pretty unsure circumstances, this song made it’s way to my email inbox. It could not have come in better timing. This song (lyrics below) helps you remember and simply know that somebody is praying me through. And, as the song also states – somebody is praying YOU through also. You don’t always know who, but there is someone who cares enough to pray. Don’t EVER feel like you’re walking through this life (or your struggles) alone.

You may feel as if your heart has been broken – again, and again. You may look at yourself in the mirror, not fond of what you see. You may sometimes believe that life isn’t worth fighting for, and that it won’t ever change. You may be hurting in a way hard to put into words. You may be facing health concerns out of your control. You may have a laundry list of things in your life that you feel like are helping you feel apart.

HOWEVER, do not lose track of the FACT that somebody is praying you through. You are NOT alone. You ARE worth fighting for. YOU are beautiful. And, somebody is praying you through. Never, NEVER lose track of that thought.

If you are in that place of struggling, feeling broken or just need a friend – please feel free to post below in comments, or send me a message through my “contact me” page. I’m human, not perfect, but have much love. It’s an honor to walk through life with you. If you need to know somebody’s praying you through – know that I am, or will be if you reach out.

To Allen – I just wanted to say thank you for following the heart of God, and for this song. You have many songs that speak volumes as to God’s love. This particular song has met me right where I am, so to speak, time and time again. You have my gratitude.

The song lyrics:
SOMEBODY’S PRAYING ME THROUGH

Pressing over me like a big blue sky
I know someone has me on their heart tonight
That’s why I know it’s gonna be alright
‘Cause somebody’s praying me through
Somebody’s praying me through

It may be my Mother, it might be my Dad
Or an old friend I’ve forgot I had
But whoever it is I’m so glad that
Somebody’s praying me through
Somebody’s praying me through

Through the tears, through the rain
Through the sorrow, through the pain
It keeps bringing me through
Over and over again

So when you’re drowning in a sea of hurt
And it feels like life couldn’t get any worse
There’s a blessing waiting to push back the curse
‘Cause, somebody’s praying you through Oh…
Somebody’s praying you through Oh…

Somebody… somebody is, Praying
Oh… Somebody is, Someone Somewhere

Someone got down on their knees and prayed for me
Somebody’s, praying
Somebody’s praying… you through