I would like to touch on something that has been in the headlines a great deal recently.  Bullying.  When you think of the word bully, you can most likely bring from your memory someone you know who was bullied as a child/youth, or a person who was a bully.  It didn’t have to be directed at you to have an impact on your life.  As I grew up, bullying was not unfamiliar to me.  Not only was I bullied, with an attempt at making me feel less of a person – I also knew many people who were in the same boat.  The point is this – it happens everywhere.

This generation, however, is even more susceptible to being tormented by bullying.  A new word was coined by journalist Neil Mar.  This word, bullycide, is a sad reality.  It speaks of children and teens who are teased with no mercy – made fun of because they are different, or because someone finds it funny to torment others.  Bullycide is a term used to describe suicide as a result of bullying.

Whichever the case, many people cannot handle this sort of verbal or physical bullying.  Depression becomes a very real aspect of their lives.  Some see suicide as the only option – the only way escape is possible.  To remove themselves from the situation, removes them from the pain.  As I mentioned, this generation is more susceptible.  This is the technology generation.  There is a new form of bullying: cyberbullying.  As social media grows, bullies have a larger pool to cast their net to find victims to terrorize.

The well know saying, “Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words will never hurt me” is such a lie.  Words can cut deep.  Words can build a person up, or in the instance of bullying – can tear a person down.

My entire point is this – choose your words and your actions carefully.  How you act, react and treat a person can make a lasting impression / difference in their life.  Be instrumental in sharing hope, not hate.  Don’t be a party to bullying of any kind. If you see it, stop it.  If you see someone being bullied, be a friend.  Let people know they aren’t alone, and that together people can stand and make a difference against bullying.

As a parent (or even as a friend trying to help another friend), take a proactive role in your childs life.  Take time to know them.  Worry less about being their best friend, and actually parent them.  You may just find that being a parent also means being the best friend and confidant they may ever have.  Know when things seem off.  Always have an open line of communication.  Care enough to ask and to be a part of their life.  If you have that nagging feeling that something just isn’t right, don’t ignore it.

If you or someone you know is being bullied, and you see no way out – do NOT give up.  Your life is worth fighting for.  I strongly urge you to reach out.  Seek help.  Talk to a friend, counselor at school, church leadership, or anyone you can trust.  Do not think yourself less of a person.  Instead, rise up.  Look in the mirror and see how beautiful you truly are.  Your life matters.  You are a living story – a story that is not finished being written yet.  Always remember – hope is real!

A very good friend of mine, a part of my much larger family (the body of Christ), had some very profound thoughts – thoughts that were written out and shared with me last night.  In the light of my previous posts from the last two days, the thoughts shared with me really hit home. It meant a great deal to know, and to hear from another human being that I’m not alone – and that they understand the feelings I’ve shared.

We discussed a great deal more, but here is the basis of what was shared with me:

We slowly die, or die slowly.
Dreams fade.
Life takes over.
Shit happens.
We’re either swept up, or keep sweeping.
When we stop living, living stops.

This spoke to me for several reasons.  It’s true.  Life is a culmination of many different events and/or scenarios.  Like I’ve mentioned previously – it’s how we respond and react to those that define our character.  How do you react when you see your dreams fading?  Do you run to catch them?  Do you make new dreams?  Or, do you give up and realize it’s just not possible ?  I’ve often commented that life has this habit of taking over.  It can do just that. It’s what you respond with that will determine if life taking over is a pleasant or an unwelcome situation.  As my friend put it, “Shit happens.”  Yes, it does.  That is kin to when you just look around and realize life just sometimes sucks.  Situations aren’t always going to be perfect, and life tends to throw so many curve balls.  If you fight back, or decide to play catch when the curve balls come your way has the power to make you miserable or cheer the world around you up.  If you allow life’s situations and the circumstances to sweep you off your feet, and to get you unsteady and disoriented, you will remain unhappy.  If you take the broom by the handle, and do your own sweeping – you’ll remain in control and your life will be much less cluttered and distracted.  Above all else, don’t stop living.  Enjoy life, and never give up on happiness.  Hope is real, and it’s yours for the taking.

This morning began as a carryover from yesterday – and, more specifically last night.  It wasn’t a great night, but I knew this morning had the potential of bringing a different set of circumstances.  Even though not all felt right in the world, I opted to keep an open mind and heart, and go to church.  It was also my first weekend serving/volunteering in the capacity that I did.

I was floored, simply amazed at the impact volunteering had this morning.  As I met and prayed with other volunteers, His peace began to be there in the midst of my minds unrest.  As I began to serve, to reach out to people, I realized just how paramount it is to connect with other people.  I stood there, smiled and just connected with people as they passed by.  I got to see many different faces, all of whom have stories behind their smiles, frowns or tears.  As I smiled and hopefully helped people feel welcome, God made His presence and joy known and very real.

It took obedience on my part to reach out and volunteer.  It was a step outside my own personal comfort zone, as it’s something I’ve never done in church – not in a capacity such as I did this morning.  Were other affected by my being there?  I hope so.  Would church have gone on in my absence?  Absolutely.  Was I blessed as a result of volunteering? No doubt about it!  As I have said before, I firmly believe that the volunteer is often times more blessed by serving than the individual or organization they are volunteering for.

All in all, I learned that volunteering and serving those around you has the potential of bringing life to the situation, and changing an entire surrounding atmosphere.

No matter what the situation, reaching out and connecting with other people has the potential to help more than you may expect.

I just want to point out something that is clear, and an ever-present reality.  Not every day will shine.  When you wake up, the sun may seem less bright…the clouds may adorn the sky…and you may find yourself out of your element, so to speak.  What you do, and how you respond may indicate how long that “day” will last.

Let me level with you for a moment.  I don’t normally share much about me personally, but I feel it’s necessary because I’m human, and I know there’s likely someone reading this who needs encouragement.  One recurring theme you’ll likely see again is that it’s okay to not always be okay.  I say it so much because I feel it’s that important.  It’s also a lesson I’m repeatedly being reminded of myself.

So, here’s the deal.  I did not write a post yesterday.  Well, truth be told, I started this then, but I could not finish it.  I had to walk away, and I was not able to think, much less write something meaningful to share with the world.  The thing with is is this though – It doesn’t make me broken to have days like this, it makes me human.

I mention that because the one thing I want you to remember is that not having everything altogether, and just ultimately not being perfect doesn’t make you less of a person, and it certainly doesn’t make you broken.  It makes you human.  So, if you’re hurting – if you have no idea how to break free of the emotions that make the world seem like a dark place sometimes, just realize what you are feeling is temporary. You are not alone, and what you are going through will not last forever.  Ask me how I know.

Like I’ve said many times before, don’t be afraid to reach out.  There are times in all our lives where we need people to stand with us in prayer – times when we are unable to stand by ourselves.  Well, this might just be one of those times.  For me personally, it sometimes takes all I have to reach out and ask for help – to ask for others to stand with me in prayer.  However, it’s paramount that I do so.  I cannot imagine life without prayer.  Though times are sometimes tough, prayer is and remains powerful.

While not everything feels right with the world, I can say with certainly it will not always feel this way.  Hold on tight…the ride isn’t over yet.  There is hope for a new tomorrow.

It’s contagious!  So many things are contagious in life.  In this instance, I’m referring to attitude and disposition.  I read a quote last night which has really stuck with me.  “You become the average of the five people you hang out with most.” ~Jim Rohn

As I took time to ponder this, I found much truth in the thought.  It’s true.  As you walk through life, make a mental note of your attitude.  It, many times, mirrors those you do life with.  In a personal context, if you have friends who are always angry, who hate just about everything about life, and who are pessimistic by nature, the more you hang around them, the more bitter, and ultimately like them you will become.

In the business arena, it’s true too.  If you surround yourself with broke people who can’t or have no desire to hold down a job, or who constantly complain about their job or business, I bet you will soon find yourself in a similar situation or with a very similar train of thought.  You’ll never make enough money, or be truly happy.  However, if you surround yourself with self-starters, people who are not afraid to go out on a limb or step out in faith, you’ll find yourself a new picture of success.

Either way – positive or negative is contagious.

It’s said that you should surround yourself with people you want to end up most like.  If you want a successful business, surround yourself with successful entrepreneurs, or those happy in their jobs.  If you’re content with the status quo, or with the mentality of never really having enough – let your relationships be with people with little to no drive, and with an overall poor attitude towards or about the world.  Conversely, when you surround yourself with positive people, your outlook on life will inevitably be much more positive.

Today is a special day for me, and for many other people in my church.  Today starts this semester of what we call Connection Groups.  This is basically a setting where people get together in small groups, outside church, to grow spiritually together, and walk through life together.  Something I say often is that people need people.  I firmly believe that God created us as community people.  We are meant to walk through life with people, never alone.  The focus of our Connection Groups is to reach up to God, reach out to others, and reach out to the community.  It’s about so much more than just getting together to study.  It’s about walking through and doing life together.  It has to do with getting to know people, as well as being a friend and showing love and support.  Beyond that though, it’s allowing them to be the same with and for you – allowing other people in, to be a part of your life.

I am really looking forward to this evening’s meeting.  I can’t wait to connect with these people, and just see what our study is all about.  It’s called anticipation!

I intentionally left this open, and did not complete this post until after the meeting this evening.  I had to step away from the computer, and have now returned home from our connection group.  I’d like to share a real life example of the importance of Connection Groups.  Throughout the course of today, my day became fairly irritating.  Several things played a part in this scenario.  I was almost unable to attend the group, and this frustrated me.  As the meeting time neared, I found myself fairly unhappy, but knew I needed to be there anyway.

I walked in, and started with some small talk with people I don’t really know all that well yet.  What was interesting was how the night played out.  Just being in the room, connecting with these people did something amazing in me.  We shared a few silly laughs, did introductions and briefly got to know everyone, and then read through the introduction of the book and study material we are reading from.  As I sat there, I felt an absolute peace in the place.  I felt at peace, and left in much better spirits than when I arrived.

After getting back home, several people (online mostly) asked me how I was doing.  My response was “absolutely positively fantastic” and I meant it.  Each and every one asked why.  Without regards to who I was talking with (a member of our church, family or friend) I explained why.  I talked about the importance of connecting with people and how it can turn a day around – just being around other people.  Sometimes it’s as simple as that – just not keeping everything to yourself, listening to others, and for me – stepping outside of my comfort zone.

If you attend a church, find out if they have small groups?  I urge you to find and get involved in one.  If you find there isn’t such a thing at the church you go to – ask around.  Talk with the leadership.  Maybe you can be instrumental in starting one.  I know it’s a bold statement, but I firmly believe that connecting with other people is paramount.  As human beings, we need it.  When you attend church on Sunday morning, you can have surface, skin deep relationships.  We, simply as people, need more than that.  I strongly urge you to get involved in something similar.  NEVER walk through life alone.  You aren’t alone, and you shouldn’t feel that way.

Reach out to others, but also allow them to reach back to you.

I have seen this poem before, and it has always made an impact.  I was thinking about it today, and wanted to share.  He died for you, and He died for me — and the amazing part is that He’d do it all again.  He loves us that much.

The Rugged Cross

Manly was His virtue.
Steady was His gaze.
“Who is this that even
stormy wind and sea obey?”

Heavy was His burden.
Rugged was His way.
It hurts to know my sins increased
the price He had to pay.

In full, indeed, He paid it;
so now I can be free,
to live the life He carefully
selected just for me.

I know it won’t be easy.
I’ll feel the push and shove.
He, too, felt it, so I’d feel
the power of His love.

I wear a Rugged Cross to show
His love is tried and true.
He’s won the fight and earned the right
to tell me what to do.

Now when I’m tried and tempted
I’ll remember, He is boss;
and lovingly remember
He, too, wore a Rugged Cross.

Today at church I listened to the heart of God poured out in a bold and life-giving way.  The series “Soul Detox” continues with “The Bitter Soul” – based on author Craig Groschel’s book “Soul Detox.”

The message today was simple but profound in a very real way.  Pastor Lance spoke about all the (likely justified) reasons people may have a bitter soul.  Beyond that, he talked freely about the drawbacks to allowing the seed of bitterness to be planted and take root.

The roots of bitterness may be shallow at first, but I assure you they will not remain that way long.  So many reasons can be attributed to why you might become bitter.  Perhaps your boss at work passed you over for promotion. Maybe you were abused in one way or another by a spouse or significant other.  Perhaps you were wronged or offended addy church.  Maybe you are a part of a sad statistic that shows so many people that have (either personally or as an experience of someone close to you) experienced the trauma of sexual assault / rape.  No matter what the cause, and no matter how justified, there is bitterness – the roots of which are growing both strong and deep.

The issue and problem with bitterness is that it doesn’t just include the individuals who are directly involved.  It has the potential and power to affect not only current, but also future relationships.  A woman who has been abused by a man potentially will lose trust for all men, deciding that they are all worthless.  The person wronged at a church may never trust any church or pastor again. The list of examples of how bitterness can ruin relationships and lives is never-ending.

There is hope. Hope actually comes in the form of forgiveness.  Most people (and I am also guilty as charged) hesitate because of how much they were hurt.

Let’s take the example of the person who was sexually assaulted.  I use this example because of how real of an issue this is, how strong the emotions surrounding an event such as this, as well as how justified a person is for being hurt and remaining angry.  Even with this in mind, and realizing how hard it will be, it is vital, paramount even that forgiveness is given.  Most people would quickly remark on how the perpetrator simply doesn’t deserve forgiveness.

I would challenge this thought with the same gentle reminder that our pastor shared with us.  Jesus died on the cross, and all our sins were forgiven.  There goes that “forgiveness” word again.  There isn’t a person alive that is actually worthy of forgiveness.  You aren’t, I’m not…no one is worthy of being forgiven, but forgiveness was freely given.

The entire point is that no, that person who hurt you doesn’t deserve your forgiveness but not forgiving them actual does more harm and damage to you than the perpetrator.  If you continue to hold onto bitterness, you will continue to build walls that you believe are in place to protect you.  Instead, they will serve as your own personal prison, keeping you locked up, unable to escape the pain of it all.

The key to your freedom is forgiveness.  On your own, forgiveness is really an impossibility.  However, with God’s help, you can do it.  The not so well known fact about forgiveness is that it is like setting a prisoner free – but that the prisoner is actually you!

As I sat in the service today, this message took on a very real meaning to me.  I was really convicted as I realized that I was in this exact boat.  There was a situation years, if not over a decade ago that I have let the roots of bitterness grow strong, without actually realizing it.  I felt totally justified in my anger and resentment.  I realized I have never truly forgiven this person.  With tears flowing, I asked for God’s help in making forgiveness a reality.  In prayer, I both prayed and forgave the individual, but also asked God to forgive me.  Wow! What freedom came with that decision.  As cliche as it may sound, it felt literally as a weight had been lifted.

As you think on this topic, just remember how crazy you are loved, and how (no matter what you’ve done – or how many times you’ve done it) you are forgiven.  Take that forgiveness and allow it to bring you peace and freedom like you might have never known.

As I finished writing this blog post, the song “Forgiveness” by Matthew West came on the radio.  Talk about timing, and a confirmation of exactly this message.  I went and looked up this song on YouTube, and wanted to share that with you.  Here is “Forgiveness” by Matthew West.  It is an acoustic version of this song, put on YouTube by Sparrow Records.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2M66bnID_DY

Today, I want to share a scripture that I’ve read before, but that really spoke to me today.  It just further instills in me that God knows us from the inside out.  He is faithful beyond what our minds can comprehend.  There is nowhere we can run and hide, and no where we can escape Him.  The complexity that is the human body – He made us.  He took all those parts and knit us together in our mother’s womb.  In His eyes, we are perfect – just how we are!  He knows the moments in time that will come before us, and what will happen during the course of our lives.  There is not a part of us He does not know.  He loves us with such a crazy love that He thinks about us all the time – all day long.  We should always strive to remember this as we walk through our daily lives.  The God who created the Heavens and the Earth loves us with an incredible love.  He knows us inside out, and loves us still the same.  This floors me – time and time again.

Just remember, you are precious and you are beautiful in the eyes of the only one who truly matters in the greater scheme of things.  Rest, knowing how much you are madly loved!

Here is Psalm 139: