Tag Archives: hope

Jul4

The Last Six Weeks In Review – Fighting Cancer – Standing In Faith

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This morning I received a very sweet email from a friend and regular visitor of my blog. It served as a reminder that I have not been active on this blog in several weeks. Yes, I have had ample reasons, and quite honestly, I just haven’t felt up to writing as much as I had. With renewed strength, I am here.

As I have mentioned previously, we found out in April that my daughter had a brain tumor. In a long drawn out process that is not yet over, we have come to find out that the tumor was a high grade polyphenotypic malignant (cancerous) brain tumor. It is still apparently one of a kind, and doesn’t have a definitive diagnosis – yet! They are currently doing full genome sequencing to get to the DNA of it and discover more about the cell(s) of origin, etc…as that has continued to baffle her medical team and extended network of medical professionals. This thing is unique, aggressive and quite annoying. However, we’re not giving up OR losing hope. We have created both Caringbridge and a praying Facebook page for her. If you are interested in links to either, please comment below or send me a message via the contact me page.

These last weeks have been some of the most difficult of my life. Never in a billion years did I ever imagine I’d be walking a road and journey that included the words aggressive cancer – let alone with my four year old little girl. Many things have transpired, medically speaking, and it’s just all been exhausting – physically and mentally. We’re nearing the end of a six week (every weekday) radiation treatment with her, and then will have a few weeks off, only to start an aggressive chemo treatment for many months. As I have pondered all of this, I have done much soul searching, heart-checking, and digging deeper in and with my faith.

You see, it is my faith that has, in large part, sustained me through this process. I will admit though – my faith has had some rocky moments lately. It hasn’t been shaken to a point of falling, but I have had ample opportunity to question many things. Never once have I blamed God. Never once have I been mad at God, per se. I say it like that, because I have found myself mad just kind of at the world. A four year old should not have to fight for her life. Period. At one point, though, I realized that it’s actually healthy to question things. I felt almost guilty and like I lacked faith because I was frustrated basically. Not frustrated with God, but with the entire situation.

I’m going to be brutally honest here. I found myself asking some scary questions – as it pertains to faith. When I put my daughters situation in a little bubble, and thought of it alone (instead of everything else in my life) I found myself wondering why I even bother praying…why I even bother having a relationship with God when it changes nothing. My thought process took me to the line of reasoning (or rather lack thereof) that my prayers and my relationship with Him meant nothing – that, int he great scheme of things, the situation was still going on, she was still fighting cancer, and there was still all this stuff going on – even if I do pray. But, let me explain what point this all brought me to.

First, God doesn’t NEED me to be faithful. He is faithful, 100% of the time. His idea and mine aren’t always the same, but it doesn’t mean His plan isn’t already in action. Back to me. No, He doesn’t NEED me – however, He does DESIRE me. Just as I am a child of God, His precious daughter – I was reminded — my daughter is also. For reasons that still remain unclear, she is dealing with this. We are all walking through this journey. No, it is not a path anyone would choose for themselves, but here we are. But, what I have found is that my prayers, and my continuous seeking Him is not only important, but it is vital. Again – No, God doesn’t NEED my prayers to accomplish His mission. However, I do. I need the strength that comes from Him, and Him alone.

Even through all my soul searching, I have not walked away from God. In fact, even through the questions, I have opened my heart and allowed Him to shine. People continuously ask how I’m so strong, etc. In my own strength, I’m clearly not strong. In Him, His grace sustains me. His love is poured out in so many different ways – in large part through the people he has blessed me by having as a part of my life. It is with such heartfelt gratitude that I say thank you to God – then to each and every person in our lives right now who are allowing us to see His love. The gratitude we have for the love, support and encouragement we’ve gotten during this cannot be quantified with words. Like I said from the very beginning, this is not a road I wanted to walk alone — and I don’t have to. We are sincerely grateful for that.

So, while times have been tough to comprehend, walk through, or stand in faith on — I am still here, standing on faith and knowing that God’s got this whole entire situation. Even if things don’t go as we hope or plan, I STILL Know God is in control. I rest in the knowledge that He is still God, He is still good, and He IS in control…even when we don’t like or understand it.

Thank you to each and every one of you who support us in any way, shape or form. Thank you for being the hands and feet of Jesus. It is through all of you that I smile and have my faith continuously renewed.

May17

God Is Still Good…Even When My Heart Hurts

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I’m going to level with you. Right now, things are very difficult. My heart is heavy at times, and it hurts. A couple of friends asked me how I was doing today. My response was simple. I’m a bit sad today. To be honest with everyone, everything going on right now has become very hard for me to wrap my mind around. There are so many variables. There are so many unknowns. When I think of everything, it just makes me sad. When I realize how much we know, which is surrounded by how much we don’t know, I just shake my head at times. When I do even the slightest amount of research, or hear of what some of the possible prognosis might be for my daughter, my heart sinks. This, my friends, is reality.

However, all hope is not gone. Even though much of my thought process above appears negative, it doesn’t rule me. Yes, my heart feels broken at times. But, there is much hope. I want you to know that my faith is not gone. I rest on these things I know as FACTS. God is still God. God is still Good. God IS still in control. We may not have a definitive diagnosis, or even know what’s going on with my daughter, but God – and evidently God alone – does. With that in mind, my complete trust is in Him. Yes, I am believing God for complete healing…for a miracle. I also realize that healing comes in many forms. No matter what the situation at hand looks like, I know with complete certainty that God is in control. He knows the answers, and He knows every aspect of what is needed for her medical care.

I guess the point I am making is this — no matter what the situation, or how much I hurt, I KNOW God is the answer. My faith in a God larger than life is what sustains me right now. I’m physically and mentally exhausted at times, but God’s love poured out (often through His people) is like a breath of fresh air.

Thank you for your continued prayers for my daughter, and for our entire family. They are absolutely needed, as well as greatly appreciated!

(For those curious, we’ll update shortly on more specifics of what’s going on and where we stand with everything. Just taking things one day at a time right now.)

May8

Support And Love In The Midst Of Uncertainty

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Support and Love. These are two things I’ve always known about, and always “preached” about helping others out with in whatever times of need they have. Not until what we have going on medically with my daughter did I have the occasion to feel this side (the receiving end) of said love and support.

If you know someone who is going through something you consider to be unimaginable, please reach out in love. What you don’t realize is that it will likely mean the world. I can speak from experience on this topic.

As we are walking down this road we don’t want to be on, awaiting a definitive diagnosis on what may be going on with my daughter, I thank God for His hand in this entire situation. It is evident in so many ways. My gratitude is for the people God has in my life, and for the friendships and relationships that are being cultivated, even in the midst of everything going on. God’s love, and His heart is surrounding my family. My faith and strength from God through all this literally sustains me.

There are moments, and there are times that I wonder where the strength to keep going will come from. It is during those moments where God’s presence becomes so real to me. It isn’t because of anything I’ve done, but rather because He has me surrounded by people who care. I’m learning that I’m not in this – any of this thing called life – alone. Instead, I’m surrounded by much love and support. Like I have said many times before, it’s okay to not always be okay. It’s okay to need help, and it’s okay to reach out. I step out of my comfort zone when I do, but I’m grateful that God has given me the gift of friendship and relationship.

With regards to what all is going on, several people have asked if there is anything new, or if there is any specific way to pray. Right now, we are still waiting on a definitive answer. What we know is that my four year old daughter had a high grade polyphenotypic brain tumor. She had surgery two weeks ago, and both the pathology as well as genetic results are still not giving a full and complete answer. They are leaning towards either medulloblastoma or anaplastic ependymoma. The problem is, is that her results don’t fit either one specifically. It has been said that her situation medically has presented like this before, but rarely. So, samples have been sent for additional specialist consultation, and we should have those results soon. What we know is that we are essentially looking at our worst case scenario, but with some sort of rare twist. She will be starting chemo and radiation within the next two weeks or so.

As bad as all that sounds, I want you to know a couple of things. First, we are standing in faith for her complete healing and full recovery. That said, we realize that healing comes in many forms. All of that in mind, the one thing I want to stress is that no matter what the situation, and how dire it may look at times, God is still God, and He is still Good. With that, He IS in control. I don’t always understand why, or like what is going on, but my daughter is in His hands. It is out of my control…but the beauty of it not being in my control is that it IS in His capable hands.

Thanks for your continued love and support. It’s an honor to do life alongside all of you.

May2

Faith In The Struggle

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Your faith will be illuminated, especially in the midst of a struggle. No matter what the situation – good or bad, whatever faith you propose to have — it is that faith that people will see. How you respond in the struggle will be a true test of what level of faith and trust you have in the Maker of all of creation.

My life recently has been turned upside down. I am struggling in a way that I don’t even always understand. As I find myself walking down this new path that I certainly didn’t ask for, I do find my faith being strengthened. I don’t understand what all is happening, but I love a God larger than life. Regardless of the struggle, He is faithful. He is good, and that is never changing.

Does that mean I like where I am, or what’s going on? Not at all. Am I grateful that God is able to use even this for a greater purpose? Yes, that I can answer yes to.

What is my struggle, you may be wondering? Let me share…

We found out two weeks ago today that my four year old daughter had a brain tumor. Talk about unexpected. There was the thought that she had a viral illness, and nothing more. Certainly not this. She underwent surgery to remove it a week and a half ago. The surgery was successful, and it appears that they got it all. That is the really good news. The fact that it’s aggressive and rapidly spreading – not so much. So, even though they got it all, it’s quite likely that she’ll have to go through chemo and/or radiation as well.

I wrote the following few thoughts four days after she was admitted at the hospital:

It’s really a hard thing sometimes – maintaining faith in the middle of some unimaginable emotions and situations. I have faith in a God larger than life. He created my little girl, and He knows her – from the inside out. He knows exactly what she needs, and how to take care of her. No matter what she (or any of us) goes through, He gets it. His love for her is strong, and never failing.

I know I sound like I’m preaching – and I guess to a point, I am. My thought pattern is this – regardless of what’s going on in that little body of hers, God is still in control. I don’t have to understand or even like what’s going on, but He is definitely in control. He is holding her safely in the palm of His hand.

My faith is strong, and I pray will remain unshaken. I hope that I can continue to see this through the lens of faith, and perspective of His amazing love.

Faith in the struggle. Struggle allows you too realize that things don’t always go as planned. In the midst of a struggle, though, it is okay for things to not always be okay. The key when things aren’t going as planned is to just know with certainty that God’s got this… Yes, even this.

As you can imagine, things are very tough right now. It’s odd, because it’s almost as if my heart is simultaneously broken and filled with hope, all in one. What I can say is this though. God is still good, and that fact remains. Please know how much we value your friendship, support, encouragement and especially – your prayers. Grateful beyond words.

Mar19

365 Moments Of Gratitude – Thankful For Whole Hearts Foundation

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Today, I am thankful for Whole Hearts Foundation. From their website:

Their mission is

to share God’s love by providing education, support, connections and innovation of families of a child living with pediatric congenital heart disease – without boundaries of faith, culture or economic standing.

Also, from their website, a little bit of background on their founder, and what led him to start Whole Hearts Foundation:

Whole Hearts Foundation was established by Matt Hammitt, lead singer with the Christian rock band Sanctus Real, whose son Bowen was born with Hypoplastic Left Heart Syndrome (HLHS) in 2010. “Because we’ve had the experience ourselves, we understand the practical, financial, emotional and spiritual needs these families have. Whole Hearts Foundation is dedicated to assisting these families, and these hospitals that provide the life-saving care to our children. We have a huge vision for the foundation and supporting families in their local community.”

Because of Whole Hearts Foundation, I have been able to connect precious little children needing prayer with resources readily available to them through Whole Hearts. What I have found is that people need to know they aren’t alone – even in struggles as painful and heartbreaking as watching a child struggle with congenital heart disease. It’s not an easy road, but it’s one no one needs to walk alone.

Today Whole Hearts is in my thoughts because something pretty amazing happened this evening. In a small group of less than twenty people, there were four people in the room who had very real life experiences with congenital heart disease (CHD), all of which were specifically HLHS. While it broke my heart to think about, it made me so grateful to be armed with the knowledge about CHD – and to see people sharing their own stories of hope and inspiration in the face of heartbreak and triumph as well. “Heart” families never cease to amaze me. Their strength, though it may not always appear as such, is phenomenal. To watch them support one another through the midst of sometimes pure chaos is something not many people can even begin to understand.

This evening, I am grateful for Whole Hearts Foundation, and for all the ways they strengthen “heart” families, and those who support and love them.

Mar17

365 Moments Of Gratitude – Thankful For The Ability To Love Our Enemies

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Today was definitely convicting. The message at Skyline today made us look internally and ask some pretty intense, and important questions. One such question just asks if we are living such a way that we are known for the way we love? Is your life so different that people will be prompted to ask why you are different? Is that difference one that will share hope, grace and love with others?

I encourage you today to live life in such a way that you will make a difference in the lives of anyone you come across – family, those you call friends, and – GASP – those you aren’t so fond of. Forgive. Love recklessly – through the differences.

Mar15

365 Moments Of Gratitude – Thankful For Beremedy

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Have you heard of Beremedy? Beremedy is an organization that exists to helping others…at the speed of social media. It connects those who are in need with those who can help. The mission of beremedy:

Our Mission
beremedy connects those in need with the individuals who have the means to fulfill them.

So often, community and social service organizations have no expedient outlet for their clients’ requests. They spend countless hours tracking down resources to fulfill basic human necessities. Those in need suffer because there is no quick or efficient manner to replay their message.

On the other hand, so many individuals and organizations want to help, but don’t know how. beremedy provides them with a reputable source for their resources and efforts. People give knowing their donation is going directly to those who need it most!
By taking all these needs and matching them with people who can help, we’re streamlining the process and making it easy for both sides to benefit.

This is an organization that I believe in. They are currently in the midst of an Indiegogo (non-profit) campaign raising funds to try and take beremedy from an Atlanta-based organization to a platform which will make it have a much larger footprint – a nationwide impact. They are working on a technology which will make this dream into a reality. A nationwide platform where you can see the need, and be the remedy. How can you help? Would you consider supporting beremedy? Any and all amounts will go a long way in making a difference and sharing hope in real, practical ways all across this nation. You can find more information about this effort by visiting their fundraising campaign.

What is beautiful about Beremedy is the selfless heart and passion that drive it. No matter who you are, the view is that you are important. Whether it is a pair of shoes, a bed, toys for Christmas, clothing — when there is a tangible need, the opportunity is available to be the remedy. They harness the power of social media and reach people in more places with whatever the need is. You will often see strangers from across the area responding in support, to show hope and help in practical ways.

One thing I believe to be true is that people need people – no matter who you are. I do, and you do too. You do not need to walk through life alone. If you need help, reach out. If you are able to help, be the remedy. Will you join me today in being the remedy? Even if you cannot financially support Beremedy at this time, I know they would value the prayer support and spreading the word about what they are doing.

Please spread the word.

Mar13

365 Moments Of Gratitude – Thankful For Social Media

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Social Media is a powerful tool, and can be leveraged to build up, or to tear down. I am grateful right now for social media because God is able, through it to foster friendships and cultivates relationships in places otherwise unlikely.

I just sit here right now, grateful. I am able to chat with a friend in a different continent, clear across the ocean – all courtesy of social media. Many relationships can be torn apart, or strengthened by resources online. I choose social media to be a platform to spread love, to reach out, and to connect with people globally.

When I see someone hurting – whether I know them or not – I do not hesitate to reach out and let them know they matter, and that they are loved. Likewise, I have had much encouragement, support friendship and prayers courtesy of the internet.

Social media isn’t evil. It’s all in how you use it. Use it as a tool to strengthen others, to share love, hope and grace. Treat others how you’d like to be treated. It really is that simple.

So yes, I am grateful today for social media – and the relationships, friendships, support, encouragement and prayers that happen as a result.

Mar10

365 Moments Of Gratitude – Thankful For The Reckless Ones – Part 3

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So today, like each week at Skyline, proved to be motivating and convicting. The message today was a continuation of the Reckless Ones series – where we dig deeper and learn how to love like Jesus loved. Does your behavior, and do your words reflect Jesus? Do your actions show love? What we say is a reflection of what’s in our heart. Allow God, today, to do a work in your heart. Pay attention to the words coming out of your mouth – even the tone you are speaking with. Our words can build up, or they can tear down…it’s important to keep in mind how you would feel if the conversation were reversed.

Let’s strive to live and love as Jesus loved – continuing to love recklessly.

Here is a video of today’s service. I encourage you to take a few moments and watch.

Mar9

365 Moments Of Gratitude – Thankful For Hope

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Hope. It’s a little word with a powerful meaning. I mention hope all the time. Why? Because it is that important!

I’m thankful because hope is not fleeting. It’s real. When life seems overwhelming, there is hope. Hope isn’t an elusive thing either. It’s real, and it’s ever-present.

There is ALWAYS hope of a brighter tomorrow – or of better times to come. No matter what you’re going through, don’t lose sight of the fact that hope is real, and it’s for you. If this is you today, and you are struggling, I urge you to reach out. You are not alone. You matter. If you’d like to talk through this with anyone, know that I’m here – even if just across the internet. You can comment below, or feel free to message me through my “contact me” page. Know, though, that you don’t have to walk through your struggles alone. There is hope.