Tag Archives: together

Dear Christian Mom Who Walks Away From Gay Son



The following is a letter I wrote to a friends mom after she opted to walk way and cease contact with her gay son if any contact revolved around his significant other. This was what I felt very strongly urged to share with her. If you would like to read what he and his fiance are walking through with this, check outPart 1 which was followed by Part 2 and this will shine light on why I wrote the things I did.

Dear ( mom) ,

I wanted to take a moment to share a couple of thoughts with you about ( your son ) and ( his fiance ). Before you write me off and stop listening to anything I have to say, I ask you to please hear my words.

I understand that your faith requires you to take a step back and not having anything to do with him or his living another man. Or at least, from the outsider looking in, that’s my take on the situation. Before I go on, I want you to know I don’t judge you, or put you in a category of an uncaring mother. Instead, I see you as a mom who cares deeply.

I will share my own why behind my words, and why I felt so strongly the urge to connect and write to you.

But first, I’d like to pose a question to you. Is the faith you cling to really more important to you than your son? I’m not actually saying you’re consciously making that decision – but, in reality, you are. This is the part that I’d like to challenge. Without knowing the specifics of the faith you hold dear, I’d like to just say that the God I know, love and serve is a God of love. Let that sink in. He loves. He loves me, you, you’re son, his fiance, and all the other heterosexual, homosexual, transgender, or whatever sexual orientation the person identifies with. Note the theme is love. He loves us all – exactly where we are, with whomever we also love.

I want to take a moment to stop and remind you – I’m not trying to change your mind, or to judge your decisions. Instead, I’d like to offer a vantage point different from your own.

Let me pose another question to you. If your son was gone tomorrow, would you miss him? Taking that a step further, would you have any regrets in walking away from him and the love he still freely shares with you? I’m just asking this to make you think. If you have even a doubt about any of these questions, I’d urge you to step outside of your comfort zone and ensure your son knows you love him. Now, this doesn’t mean you have to fully grasp or even like at all that he loves his fiance , and intends a beautiful love filled life with him. You don’t even have to tell either of them that you are okay with their actions. The only thing I hope you can find in yourself to do is to give love a chance. This “tough love” thing will only drive a wedge deeper, and you will not have a relationship based on love – or even a relationship at all. Your son loves you. He reaches out. He doesn’t ask that you agree with his being gay, but rather that you love him. For who he is, and the amazing individual God created him to be – without regard to who he loves.

If I sound passionate, it’s because I am. For multiple reasons. I’ll explain.

First, I am the mother of four children. Two boys, two girls. Two residing with me here physically, and two in Heaven. I lost a child during pregnancy, and just this past February, watched as my 7 y/o daughter took her final breath this side of Heaven after a three year fight with brain cancer. I tell you all that simply to say that life throws us curveballs, and – as a mother alone – I understand the need and desire to walk by and in faith. The need to protect our children. I’ve also come to challenge my own thoughts and beliefs – and I believe that’s made them stronger. I’ve learned perspective, and how to prioritize things in my life.

I’ve also come to the realization that loving someone doesn’t equal agreeing with the way they live their life. This leads me to my final point.

*******adding this to simply let anyone reading know that I discussed this fully with my child, and he’s okay with my sharing it. His heart hurt when I explained the story, and why I was writing a letter to my friends mom. His hope is that people can see love as a way of communication instead of hatred and anger. *******

I have a open line of communication with my children as well. This doesn’t make me better or worse than anyone else. Instead, it makes me available. But, as such, I recently had a conversation I didn’t think I was prepared for. My teenage son reveals that he is gay – or, at a minimum, bisexual. Upon hearing these words, I expressed love to him. I told him how proud I was that he trusted me with this deeply personal information. While it wasn’t the love I saw him embracing, the fact that he could be honest with me was a blessing more than you could imagine. I continued by telling him that I’d love him, no matter what sexual orientation he identifies with. When approached with his concern of the church (or even me) wanting to “pray the gay away” my heart broke. As a Christ follower, my goal is to love like Jesus loves. In that moment, I felt a need to apologize on behalf of Jesus Himself for all the people who spew hatred in His name. He calls us to have and walk in a reckless love. This is a love, even in the face of something not seemingly worthy.

In challenging my own beliefs, I came to realize that Jesus died a brutal death because of love. He loves us enough to take on the sins of the world because He loves all of us. He died this brutal death do we didn’t have to. He loves us in a way that promotes life. Ultimately, His grace is freely given to anyone who chooses to accept it. We don’t deserve it – but it’s freely given.

I’ll conclude by reminding you that I don’t judge you for essentially walking away because you can’t fathom loving a person who loves someone of the same sex. I just wanted to share because you don’t have to love what they do to actually love them. I identify as a Christ follower. As such, I am to be the hands and feet of Jesus to ALL people – not just the ones I agree with. So, my only challenge to you really is will you join me in loving people as Jesus loves? That’s all I’m asking you to consider.

Thank you for taking the time to read, and I’d be honored if you’d share your thoughts in reply. Much love and many hugs to you. You, also, are loved – exactly where you are.



365 Moments Of Gratitude – Thankful For Family Time


What included running errands and accomplishing missions also included smiles. Today, we had lots of things to accomplish while out and about. We also got the opportunity to play games together and just have fun. I really enjoy the simple things in life. Sitting here, watching kids laugh and smile — priceless!

I’m grateful for the time to unwind and just spend time together as a family.

Marriage is Worth Fighting For – Part 3: Prayer For The Standing Wife


Sometimes, the most heartbreaking thing in a relationship (especially a marriage) is when one partner has put their trust in Jesus as their Lord and Savior while the other spouse has not made the same choice. Today, I will focus on when a woman enjoys salvation, but her husband does not. (Men, not to worry – you will not be left out — tomorrow will be about men standing in faith for their family while their wife does not share the same faith.) When a woman focuses her eyes on Jesus to lead and guide her and her entire family, it becomes extremely difficult if she and her husband are not in agreement. Often, it will be determined that they cannot agree on many things – how to raise children, what television or movies to watch, what internet sites are okay or not, if pornography (in any form) is okay, etc. If a woman believes in the Word of God, and follows after His heart, she will likely see things very differently from the views of her husband. This can be detrimental.

If you are, or anyone you know is in this situation, please do not give up hope. As hard as it may seem at times, I would encourage you to love your husband. No matter what the situation, show him love. Does he always deserve it? No, absolutely not. Do we deserve to have our sins erased as far as the east is from the west? No, absolutely not. The issue here is – a marriage is a union of two people, and should be grounded in and based on love. If he is not doing his part in this equation, it can be difficult – but does not make it any less necessary for you to do the right thing. Believe me – I know it isn’t always going to be easy, but it IS always going to be worth it.

A good friend of mine shared a website with me recently. It’s about faith and marriage restoration. As I was browsing the many amazing resources available, I came across the following prayer. It is a prayer for the wife who is standing in the gap for her husbands salvation. Women, if this is you – or if you can relate in any way, take the words of this prayer and make it your own. Take the words, pray over them…then do it again every time it is on your heart.

Men, tomorrow you will find a prayer for the standing husband.

If this is you, I encourage you to reach out. Talk to someone. Talk to your pastor. Talk to a counselor. Talk to a trusted friend. Essentially, talk to someone – and know, you are not alone. You can feel free to post in comments below or contact me via my “contact me” link. I’ll look forward to hearing from you.

Prayer for the Standing Wife

Dear Lord, You know my heart is broken, that I have a troubled spirit, and a longing for Your comfort and the answers I seek during this time of despair. So I thank You for Your Word assuring me that from the very beginning You created my marriage as a one flesh covenant relationship, saying that what You joined together, no man or woman should separate, and that You hate divorce. And thank You for Your promise to heal my broken heart, and bind up my wounds, that You will comfort me as I mourn, and that You will bestow on me a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair. Thank You, Lord, that instead of shame or disgrace, I will rejoice in my inheritance, that I will inherit a double portion in my life, and that everlasting joy will be mine, as You restore my marriage, which Satan came to destroy. I thank You that in accordance with Your Word, I can approach Your throne of grace with confidence, and receive mercy and grace to help me in my time of need.

Thank You for Your promise that all things are possible with You Lord Jesus, and that You, and You alone, will give me peace that transcends all understanding. Thank You for the assurance that no wisdom, no insight and no plan can succeed against You. And thank You for having ________’s heart in Your hand, and for directing his heart like a watercourse wherever You please. Thank You for assuring me that he can not plan or understand his own way, because You are the one who determines and directs his steps.
Please teach me how to express my faith in love, because Your Word tells us that unfailing love is what every man desires. And I ask You, Lord, to work in me to will and act according to Your good purpose, to make me the wife You want me to be. I believe You and I am Your disciple. I want to understand and live according to Your teachings, because then I will know the truth and the truth will set me free. Thank You for Your Word, because it is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path. You are my refuge and my shield, so I put my hope in Your Word.

Since faith is the substance of things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen, please show me how to live by faith and not shrink back so You will be pleased with me, because I know it’s impossible to please You without faith. And thank You for Your promise that whatever I ask for in prayer, and believe, I will receive. Please teach me to walk by faith and not by sight, because Jesus said that according to my faith it would be done to me. So, Lord, I ask You to please give me the faith and patience necessary to inherit what You have promised.

Father, always remind me that I’m not to live by the standards of this world. And even though I live in the world, I can’t wage war as the world does. The weapons You give me to fight with are not the weapons of the world. On the contrary, they have divine power to demolish strongholds. They are mighty weapons that demolish the arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of You, my God, and the covenant of my marriage, so please help me take captive every thought and make it obedient to You, Christ Jesus. I will not be afraid, for You are with me. I will not be dismayed, for You are my God. Thank You for strengthening me. Thank You for helping me. Thank You for upholding me and the covenant of my marriage with Your righteous right hand. Thank You for making anyone who is incensed against me and the sanctity of my marriage as nothing; that they will be ashamed and disgraced. Thank You that anyone who contends with me or wars with me and comes to destroy or put asunder my marriage, is as nothing, as a nonexistent thing, for You, the Lord my God, hold my right hand, telling me to “Fear not, I will help you.”

Teach me to ALWAYS rest in the confidence I have in You, because Your Word tells me that it will be richly rewarded. Help me persevere so that when I have done Your will, God, I will receive what You have promised. And help me keep Your commandments and do the things that are pleasing in Your sight, so I’ll receive whatever I ask from You, including the restoration of my marriage.

I boldly ask for faith enabling me to speak to mountains and make them move, and the confidence and assurance that nothing is impossible for me. Thank You, Lord, that I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me, and That with You, nothing is impossible, including living my life full of love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control, even during this time of trouble, which Your Word promises me You will turn into a gateway of hope. And thank You that Your Spirit intercedes for me, Your saint, in accordance with Your will, and that You are working all things together for my good, because I love You, and am called according to Your purpose. I thank You and praise You, Lord, that Your thoughts and plans for me and my family are thoughts and plans for our welfare and peace and not for evil, that give me hope in our final outcome. And I thank You, Lord, that I can be still and know that You are God and that You will be exalted in all the earth, and in heaven, and in the restoration of my marriage.

And thank You for the comfort of knowing that even though my husband may have other plans in his heart, from You comes the reply of the tongue, and that the Words that come out of Your mouth do not return to You empty; that they will accomplish what You desire and the purpose for which You sent them! And thank You for the assurance that You honor and uphold the covenant of our marriage that was made when You witnessed our marriage vows, and that YOU will defend it against the treachery of unfaithfulness, divorce and remarriage.

For all this I ask and give thanks in the most precious and powerful name of Jesus Christ, my Lord and Savior. Amen

Marriage Is Worth Fighting For, Part 1


Much of my life was spent on my own. Prior to being married, I was just me. Yes, I have an amazing and loving family. But, I was an adult, now not living under my parents roof, going on about life – on my own. However, in January of 2001, this all changed. In a land far away (we were both stationed overseas on active duty military) I met and fell in love with this man I now call my husband. Yesterday, we celebrated our 12 year wedding anniversary. I will not tell you that our marriage is the strongest it has ever been. It’s true – neither of us are the same people we were 12 years ago when we got married. We have laughed, loved, and for better or worse, grown together. All marriages have their ups and their downs, mine included. It is what you (and I) choose to do with those situations that will either make or break a marriage.

Believe me when I tell you that I know a marriage is not always a bed of roses. It’s not a marriage without ups or downs. There will be times that you may question if your life or your marriage is worth fighting for. There may even be things beyond your control that would justify ending a marriage over. However, I’d like to pose this question – Is it worth it?

Marriage is about two people. It is about open lines of ongoing communication. It is about honesty, and it is about caring. It is about there being two sides, two opinions, two hopes and two dreams to every story. Two very different, or sometimes similar people coming together to form a bond, a lasting union.

One thing that troubles me is how very easy it is to walk away from something that sometimes was a work in progress for many years. People enter into marriage with the idea that if it doesn’t work, there’s always divorce. Let me be one to say that divorce shouldn’t even enter into your brain as a viable option. I will take that thought a step further and say that if you are thinking “if it doesn’t work” then you are not ready to be married. You need to know it’s going to work – for better or worse, to death do you part.

As you can see, I’ve been thinking a great deal on marriage, and what it takes to make it work. It won’t always be easy, but in most cases, it will always be worth it. I do leave the caviat of “most cases” because there are sometimes those things that may happen in a marriage (cheating, abuse, etc) that may provide a reason that divorce is acceptable. Still, even with those things, it is up to the individual involved – so long as both parties are on the same page – to stay in the marriage and fight for marriage restoration. It may take time, effort and energy you might not feel prepared to use or even have, but God can and will provide healing, courage and strength in the midst of what could be very volatile or just plain unsure situations. It will have to be a conscious effort on both parties. A marriage cannot exist and be one sided.

Marriage is something to be taken seriously. It won’t always be easy, but always remember the vows: for better or worse – till death do us part. Friends, please also know I speak what I say here out of personal experience, and also with love. For those of you who are divorced – for whatever reason – please know there is also no condemnation. It is not my place to judge. I assure you, I will not look at you with eyes filled with anything other than love.

If you are struggling with any part of your marriage – or dealing with things you are just not sure how to deal with, I urge you to not give up. Your marriage, and the happiness of you, your spouse and family (if you have children) are worth fighting for. If you would like to talk about it, ask for prayer or just ask questions, you can reply below in comments, or contact me via my “contact me” page.

For the sake of the size of this blog post, I will continue this tomorrow with part 2.