Aug9

Never Doubt The Power Of A Spoken Word

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I just wanted to take a moment to share something that has become very important in my life.  People.  More specifically, connecting with people.

I want to share something with you because I feel that the entire universe needs to take this to heart.  Your words matter.  Words carry so much weight.  Something you may not think twice about may change the entire trajectory of a persons day.

Let me take you into the wonderful world of my life recently.  Things have  not been awesome.  To be honest, I have been pretty exhausted – all the way around.  But, it has been through connecting with people that I have been truly blessed.  Let’s take today, for example.

The past 24 hours or so just have not been the stuff dreams are made of.  There has been stress, hurt, heartbreak, unsolicited drama, etc.  But, there has also been peace, love, hope, healing, forgiveness and grace.  The fact that I had a not so awesome day is not what I am trying to spotlight here. What I am trying to explain is how the people in my life made a difference.

At one point, I reached out to a friend and just chatted.  I explained how my day had gone, and I was simply real and honest.  In return, I did not get a “oh, don’t worry sweetie, everything will be okay” response.  Instead, I got a “talk to me.  I don’t personally understand what you’re going through, but I am here to listen” sort of reply.  I was encouraged, and I was blessed.  

Through the kind words of friends just taking the time to be there, God infused peace, strength and joy where it was severely lacking previously.

The one thing I hope you take away from this is that your words – what you choose to say to someone – really matter.  Take the time to speak life.  Share love.  Be the friend you would like to have. Give the gift of yourself as a friend.  The blessing cannot be measured!

Jul28

Being Culture Changers

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Today, one of our pastors, Pastor Scott, spoke about being culture changers in a world where people generally care more about themselves, and those in their own direct sphere of influence. Being bold isn’t always a characteristic of importance to many people.

One question that continues to resonate with me is simply “What is at the top of your priority list?” Whatever that is – that is what your character will show. Do you care enough to be more than just a fan? Are you willing to get real – to get in the game?

Have we opened up our hearts and minds, and decided to be bold in the way we love people? Whether you attend this church or not, I encourage you to reach out and ask. Invite people to your church. Let them know you care.

If you are not part of a church family somewhere, I encourage you to find one. Get connected. Allow God’s love to infuse your life. Be challenged. BE the difference.

Well you be a part of something that will make a difference in lives around you?

Jul14

The Brave Little Soul

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This little story was shared with me today, and I simply had to pass it along.  The thoughts are beautiful.  I dunno how it all happens up there in Heaven – but I’m absolutely honored to be the parent and caregiver of such a special little blessing.  It warms my heart to know God has enough faith in me to care for the family He has blessed me with!!

 

The Brave Little Soul

By: John Alessi
Not too long ago in Heaven there was a little soul who took wonder in observing the world. He especially enjoyed the love he saw there and often expressed this joy with God. One day however the little soul was sad, for on this day he saw suffering in the world. He approached God and sadly asked, “Why do bad things happen; why is there suffering in the world?” God paused for a moment and replied, “Little soul, do not be sad, for the suffering you see, unlocks the love in people’s hearts.” The little soul was confused. “What do you mean,” he asked. God replied, “Have you not noticed the goodness and love that is the offspring of that suffering? Look at how people come together, drop their differences and show their love and compassion for those who suffer. All their other motivations disappear and they become motivated by love alone.” The little soul began to understand and listened attentively as God continued, “The suffering soul unlocks the love in people’s hearts much like the sun and the rain unlock the flower within the seed. I created everyone with endless love in their heart, but unfortunately most people keep it locked up and hardly share it with anyone. They are afraid to let their love shine freely, because they are afraid of being hurt. But a suffering soul unlocks that love. I tell you this – it is the greatest miracle of all. Many souls have bravely chosen to go into the world and suffer – to unlock this love – to create this miracle for the good of all humanity.”
Just then the little soul got a wonderful idea and could hardly contain himself. With his wings fluttering, bouncing up and down, the little soul excitedly replied. “I am brave; let me go! I would like to go into the world and suffer so that I can unlock the goodness and love in people’s hearts! I want to create that miracle!” God smiled and said, “You are a brave soul I know, and thus I will grant your request. But even though you are very brave you will not be able to do this alone. I have known since the beginning of time that you would ask for this and so I have carefully selected many souls to care for you on your journey. Those souls will help you create your miracle; however they will also share in your suffering. Two of these souls are most special and will care for you, help you and suffer along with you, far beyond the others. They have already chosen a name for you”. God and the brave soul shared a smile, and then embraced.
In parting, God said, “Do not forget little soul that I will be with you always. Although you have agreed to bear the pain, you will do so through my strength. And if the time should come when you feel that you have suffered enough, just say the word, think the thought, and you will be healed.” Thus at that moment the brave little soul was born into the world, and through his suffering and God’s strength, he unlocked the goodness and love in people’s hearts. For so many people dropped their differences and came together to show their love. Priorities became properly aligned. People gave from their hearts. Those that were always too busy found time. Many began new spiritual journeys, some regained lost faith – many came back to God. Parents hugged their children tighter. Friends and family grew closer. Old friends got together and new friendships were made. Distant family reunited, and every family spent more time together. Everyone prayed. Peace and love reigned. Lives changed forever. It was good. The world was a better place. The miracle had happened. God was pleased.

Jul4

The Last Six Weeks In Review – Fighting Cancer – Standing In Faith

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This morning I received a very sweet email from a friend and regular visitor of my blog. It served as a reminder that I have not been active on this blog in several weeks. Yes, I have had ample reasons, and quite honestly, I just haven’t felt up to writing as much as I had. With renewed strength, I am here.

As I have mentioned previously, we found out in April that my daughter had a brain tumor. In a long drawn out process that is not yet over, we have come to find out that the tumor was a high grade polyphenotypic malignant (cancerous) brain tumor. It is still apparently one of a kind, and doesn’t have a definitive diagnosis – yet! They are currently doing full genome sequencing to get to the DNA of it and discover more about the cell(s) of origin, etc…as that has continued to baffle her medical team and extended network of medical professionals. This thing is unique, aggressive and quite annoying. However, we’re not giving up OR losing hope. We have created both Caringbridge and a praying Facebook page for her. If you are interested in links to either, please comment below or send me a message via the contact me page.

These last weeks have been some of the most difficult of my life. Never in a billion years did I ever imagine I’d be walking a road and journey that included the words aggressive cancer – let alone with my four year old little girl. Many things have transpired, medically speaking, and it’s just all been exhausting – physically and mentally. We’re nearing the end of a six week (every weekday) radiation treatment with her, and then will have a few weeks off, only to start an aggressive chemo treatment for many months. As I have pondered all of this, I have done much soul searching, heart-checking, and digging deeper in and with my faith.

You see, it is my faith that has, in large part, sustained me through this process. I will admit though – my faith has had some rocky moments lately. It hasn’t been shaken to a point of falling, but I have had ample opportunity to question many things. Never once have I blamed God. Never once have I been mad at God, per se. I say it like that, because I have found myself mad just kind of at the world. A four year old should not have to fight for her life. Period. At one point, though, I realized that it’s actually healthy to question things. I felt almost guilty and like I lacked faith because I was frustrated basically. Not frustrated with God, but with the entire situation.

I’m going to be brutally honest here. I found myself asking some scary questions – as it pertains to faith. When I put my daughters situation in a little bubble, and thought of it alone (instead of everything else in my life) I found myself wondering why I even bother praying…why I even bother having a relationship with God when it changes nothing. My thought process took me to the line of reasoning (or rather lack thereof) that my prayers and my relationship with Him meant nothing – that, int he great scheme of things, the situation was still going on, she was still fighting cancer, and there was still all this stuff going on – even if I do pray. But, let me explain what point this all brought me to.

First, God doesn’t NEED me to be faithful. He is faithful, 100% of the time. His idea and mine aren’t always the same, but it doesn’t mean His plan isn’t already in action. Back to me. No, He doesn’t NEED me – however, He does DESIRE me. Just as I am a child of God, His precious daughter – I was reminded — my daughter is also. For reasons that still remain unclear, she is dealing with this. We are all walking through this journey. No, it is not a path anyone would choose for themselves, but here we are. But, what I have found is that my prayers, and my continuous seeking Him is not only important, but it is vital. Again – No, God doesn’t NEED my prayers to accomplish His mission. However, I do. I need the strength that comes from Him, and Him alone.

Even through all my soul searching, I have not walked away from God. In fact, even through the questions, I have opened my heart and allowed Him to shine. People continuously ask how I’m so strong, etc. In my own strength, I’m clearly not strong. In Him, His grace sustains me. His love is poured out in so many different ways – in large part through the people he has blessed me by having as a part of my life. It is with such heartfelt gratitude that I say thank you to God – then to each and every person in our lives right now who are allowing us to see His love. The gratitude we have for the love, support and encouragement we’ve gotten during this cannot be quantified with words. Like I said from the very beginning, this is not a road I wanted to walk alone — and I don’t have to. We are sincerely grateful for that.

So, while times have been tough to comprehend, walk through, or stand in faith on — I am still here, standing on faith and knowing that God’s got this whole entire situation. Even if things don’t go as we hope or plan, I STILL Know God is in control. I rest in the knowledge that He is still God, He is still good, and He IS in control…even when we don’t like or understand it.

Thank you to each and every one of you who support us in any way, shape or form. Thank you for being the hands and feet of Jesus. It is through all of you that I smile and have my faith continuously renewed.

May17

God Is Still Good…Even When My Heart Hurts

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I’m going to level with you. Right now, things are very difficult. My heart is heavy at times, and it hurts. A couple of friends asked me how I was doing today. My response was simple. I’m a bit sad today. To be honest with everyone, everything going on right now has become very hard for me to wrap my mind around. There are so many variables. There are so many unknowns. When I think of everything, it just makes me sad. When I realize how much we know, which is surrounded by how much we don’t know, I just shake my head at times. When I do even the slightest amount of research, or hear of what some of the possible prognosis might be for my daughter, my heart sinks. This, my friends, is reality.

However, all hope is not gone. Even though much of my thought process above appears negative, it doesn’t rule me. Yes, my heart feels broken at times. But, there is much hope. I want you to know that my faith is not gone. I rest on these things I know as FACTS. God is still God. God is still Good. God IS still in control. We may not have a definitive diagnosis, or even know what’s going on with my daughter, but God – and evidently God alone – does. With that in mind, my complete trust is in Him. Yes, I am believing God for complete healing…for a miracle. I also realize that healing comes in many forms. No matter what the situation at hand looks like, I know with complete certainty that God is in control. He knows the answers, and He knows every aspect of what is needed for her medical care.

I guess the point I am making is this — no matter what the situation, or how much I hurt, I KNOW God is the answer. My faith in a God larger than life is what sustains me right now. I’m physically and mentally exhausted at times, but God’s love poured out (often through His people) is like a breath of fresh air.

Thank you for your continued prayers for my daughter, and for our entire family. They are absolutely needed, as well as greatly appreciated!

(For those curious, we’ll update shortly on more specifics of what’s going on and where we stand with everything. Just taking things one day at a time right now.)

May8

Support And Love In The Midst Of Uncertainty

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Support and Love. These are two things I’ve always known about, and always “preached” about helping others out with in whatever times of need they have. Not until what we have going on medically with my daughter did I have the occasion to feel this side (the receiving end) of said love and support.

If you know someone who is going through something you consider to be unimaginable, please reach out in love. What you don’t realize is that it will likely mean the world. I can speak from experience on this topic.

As we are walking down this road we don’t want to be on, awaiting a definitive diagnosis on what may be going on with my daughter, I thank God for His hand in this entire situation. It is evident in so many ways. My gratitude is for the people God has in my life, and for the friendships and relationships that are being cultivated, even in the midst of everything going on. God’s love, and His heart is surrounding my family. My faith and strength from God through all this literally sustains me.

There are moments, and there are times that I wonder where the strength to keep going will come from. It is during those moments where God’s presence becomes so real to me. It isn’t because of anything I’ve done, but rather because He has me surrounded by people who care. I’m learning that I’m not in this – any of this thing called life – alone. Instead, I’m surrounded by much love and support. Like I have said many times before, it’s okay to not always be okay. It’s okay to need help, and it’s okay to reach out. I step out of my comfort zone when I do, but I’m grateful that God has given me the gift of friendship and relationship.

With regards to what all is going on, several people have asked if there is anything new, or if there is any specific way to pray. Right now, we are still waiting on a definitive answer. What we know is that my four year old daughter had a high grade polyphenotypic brain tumor. She had surgery two weeks ago, and both the pathology as well as genetic results are still not giving a full and complete answer. They are leaning towards either medulloblastoma or anaplastic ependymoma. The problem is, is that her results don’t fit either one specifically. It has been said that her situation medically has presented like this before, but rarely. So, samples have been sent for additional specialist consultation, and we should have those results soon. What we know is that we are essentially looking at our worst case scenario, but with some sort of rare twist. She will be starting chemo and radiation within the next two weeks or so.

As bad as all that sounds, I want you to know a couple of things. First, we are standing in faith for her complete healing and full recovery. That said, we realize that healing comes in many forms. All of that in mind, the one thing I want to stress is that no matter what the situation, and how dire it may look at times, God is still God, and He is still Good. With that, He IS in control. I don’t always understand why, or like what is going on, but my daughter is in His hands. It is out of my control…but the beauty of it not being in my control is that it IS in His capable hands.

Thanks for your continued love and support. It’s an honor to do life alongside all of you.

May2

Faith In The Struggle

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Your faith will be illuminated, especially in the midst of a struggle. No matter what the situation – good or bad, whatever faith you propose to have — it is that faith that people will see. How you respond in the struggle will be a true test of what level of faith and trust you have in the Maker of all of creation.

My life recently has been turned upside down. I am struggling in a way that I don’t even always understand. As I find myself walking down this new path that I certainly didn’t ask for, I do find my faith being strengthened. I don’t understand what all is happening, but I love a God larger than life. Regardless of the struggle, He is faithful. He is good, and that is never changing.

Does that mean I like where I am, or what’s going on? Not at all. Am I grateful that God is able to use even this for a greater purpose? Yes, that I can answer yes to.

What is my struggle, you may be wondering? Let me share…

We found out two weeks ago today that my four year old daughter had a brain tumor. Talk about unexpected. There was the thought that she had a viral illness, and nothing more. Certainly not this. She underwent surgery to remove it a week and a half ago. The surgery was successful, and it appears that they got it all. That is the really good news. The fact that it’s aggressive and rapidly spreading – not so much. So, even though they got it all, it’s quite likely that she’ll have to go through chemo and/or radiation as well.

I wrote the following few thoughts four days after she was admitted at the hospital:

It’s really a hard thing sometimes – maintaining faith in the middle of some unimaginable emotions and situations. I have faith in a God larger than life. He created my little girl, and He knows her – from the inside out. He knows exactly what she needs, and how to take care of her. No matter what she (or any of us) goes through, He gets it. His love for her is strong, and never failing.

I know I sound like I’m preaching – and I guess to a point, I am. My thought pattern is this – regardless of what’s going on in that little body of hers, God is still in control. I don’t have to understand or even like what’s going on, but He is definitely in control. He is holding her safely in the palm of His hand.

My faith is strong, and I pray will remain unshaken. I hope that I can continue to see this through the lens of faith, and perspective of His amazing love.

Faith in the struggle. Struggle allows you too realize that things don’t always go as planned. In the midst of a struggle, though, it is okay for things to not always be okay. The key when things aren’t going as planned is to just know with certainty that God’s got this… Yes, even this.

As you can imagine, things are very tough right now. It’s odd, because it’s almost as if my heart is simultaneously broken and filled with hope, all in one. What I can say is this though. God is still good, and that fact remains. Please know how much we value your friendship, support, encouragement and especially – your prayers. Grateful beyond words.

Apr20

365 Moments Of Gratitude – ON HOLD

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I just want to let everyone know I’m still here.  I do have much to be thankful for in life, but my heart isn’t in writing this “365 Moments” segment every day right now. I know I will do it again, but right now I have to simply collect my thoughts, and take care of my family.

I will post an update hopefully here soon.  In the mean time, I want you each to know how very much I value your friendship, and especially your prayers.

Apr7

365 Moments Of Gratitude – Thankful For The Heavy Bag Series: The Heavy Bag Of Grief

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Right now, Skyline Church is in the midst of a series entitled “Heavy Bag.” This series is in place to discuss all the heavy things we all face. The timing of this particular message was absolutely God inspired for me, and – I’m sure – for countless others. Today, Pastor Lance spoke about the Heavy Bag of Grief. At some point in your life, you can probably relate to the feelings of grief. I know I can. Especially this week. I have experienced loss on several levels, and I can tell you this message really hit home.

If you have lost someone, said goodbye too early, or are just hurting in ways hard to put into words – this is for you. I encourage you to watch it, and allow the words to share hope.

I am grateful for this series.

Apr6

365 Moments Of Gratitude – Thankful For The Gift Of Friendship

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Today, as many other days, I find myself grateful for friendship. As my best friend has lost her brother, I am grateful for a friendship that has spanned multiple decades now. I realize just how important friends are. This is one of the darkest times for her, and her family. It breaks my heart. That’s the thing about friends. Friends hurt together. My heart is broken, missing a very special person – and it’s broken — just knowing how much she is hurting. The point of this is not to talk about all this pain – but rather shine a bright light on the value of friendship.

It is a friend who will hold your hand, who will tell you it’s okay to cry, to make sure you know it’s also okay to not be okay — in the midst of what may seem like the darkest day you know. A friend is someone who knows you inside and out, and loves you still the same. A friend may not always agree with you, but won’t hesitate to tell you the truth, in love. A friend will run and play with you during the great times, and will not hesitate to be there with you in the troublesome times either.

I am just so very grateful for the gift of friendship today.