Tag Archives: heartbreak

The Strength Of Fragility

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Our hearts. Our faith. Our lives. 

What do these things have in common?

 Plenty, probably. But, they are fragile. This may not be the case for the entire population. It is, however, my reality. 

For a myriad of reasons, I feel very fragile. Like any part of my life, or all of me, might break – at any given moment, on any given day. 

I often remark that my heart feels shattered at times, just broken. (It’s fragile.) That remains a painful reality. 

My faith. The fact that I identify with even having faith, and caring about God and viewing Him as a good, good Father again – those things are fairly miraculous, if I’m being honest. My faith has been shaken, broken, and mended. 

When healing happens around broken things, strength also takes root and grows. 

As my faith in a God who holds the universe is showing signs of life while being rekindled, strength is growing deep roots. My trusting in God, knowing that He is not only just there – but that He loves me passionately even if or when I’m not fond of Him, that provides healing – which cultivates strength. 

My heart. That thing pumps blood, and beats with life. When something endangers the wellbeing of this precious organ, it feels as if it might protest- it might skip a few beats, or it might just stop beating. A shattered heart isn’t conducive to a healthy life. Sometimes, it’s the little things. The little things become the huge things, and lead to the most profound healing. Even if not completely repaired, a shattered heart can find healing. That healing will strengthen fractures, and may come in sometimes unexpected ways. Through love. 

When a life feels irreparably broken, healing seems like a faraway dream being dangled just outside of your reach. The listening ear, a hug from a friend, love from friends or family, mutual trust and communication between friends – these are only a handful of things capable of allowing healing to penetrate the broken places to initiate the healing process. 

Healing can force the talons of depression to lessen their grip. 
Sometimes simply seeing healing as even a possibility is as miraculous as an undeniably supernaturally noted and recorded miracle. 

This – all of this – is precisely where I am. Broken. Healing. Loved.

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Spiritual Recovery Group – Who Needs That!? 

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I want to share this opportunity with you. Before you shut down at the word opportunity, please keep reading. Give me a couple minutes of your time. YOU are worth it. 

When you read a title about spiritual recovery, you might have laughed to yourself like I did when I was told about the group. That all changed when I took the time to dig deeper, and really understand the value of what was being offered. I will share briefly why this is so, SO very important to me. 

If you’ve followed this blog for any length of time, it should come as no surprise that I am hurting – in about a billion places, for nearly as many reasons. My heart is shattered, and I feel disconnected and broken in too many areas. I often feel as if I don’t even know who I am anymore – especially when it comes to being a Christ follower, a Christian. 

My daughter passed away five months ago after a three year battle with a one of a kind brain cancer. That does something to your soul. To every aspect of your life, if we’re being honest. To say that I’ve lost faith is inaccurate. To say that I have completely unwavering faith – also somewhat inaccurate. To say there are days I’d kinda like to punch God in the face – accurate! To say I have so many questions, and no clue how to navigate them – completely accurate. 

I am at a place that I recognize the need for clarity. I grew up around church my whole life. I had, and still have faith. However, recently, I became aware that my faith want built on a very strong foundation. I have realized the need to own my own faith. I no longer desire to follow blindly. As such, I’m finding the desperate need for digging deeper, researching more, and not only knowing that I have faith – but the why behind my faith. 

Enter this spiritual recovery group. 

This group offers an incredible amount of hope to me personally. I joined this group, and would like to offer you the same opportunity. 

Because the life and legacy my seven year old daughter leaves – one of hope, grace and especially love – I wanted to also share that there are now two partial scholarships available. The cost of the course is $149, but two people are now able to attend for just $75. Would you be one of these two people to join me? 

From the website offering this online group:

As a former  youth pastor and worship leader, I know how deep the words of well-meaning people can cut. Even after Bible college and ten years of traditional ministry, I was secretly addicted to pornography. And when all of my mess became public, it seemed my family was too messy for the church. My desire for this recovery group is to help people take off the mask of performance-based Christianity, find healing for their wounds, and move forward.

Here’s a sad fact: the church is often too scared or ill-prepared to tackle the hard topics.But our lack of engagement with broken people is literally killing God’s children. The good news? I have been re engaging my faith and the local church for the past four years, and I can tell you that refusing to live like a victim has changed my life. Recovery isn’t easy, but second chances are possible for you…and the church.

Who is this group for?

  • Someone longing to engage their faith after years of being disconnected from the local church.
  • A person wanting to engage the local church again but in need of clear boundaries.
  • Anyone who has been diagnosed with a mental illness and is scared of what the church will say.
  • A member of the LGBTQ community who fears they can no longer belong to a faith community.
  • Someone in a crisis of faith.
  • Anybody who feels “soul confusion” and is longing for clarity, belonging, and hope that God is still listening.



For me, I personally fit into multiple categories listed above in the “who is this group for” section. 

I know this is a group beneficial to not only me, but countless others who may be lost, hurt, broken, unsure, or any number of other emotions. Would you like to join me? I’d love to walk through this experience with you. If you are unable to afford the full price, please don’t let that be your stopping point. 

You can reach out here in comments, email me directly via the contract me page. Or, you can reach out to Steve Austin, on the blog post he shares about the group, and also scholarship opportunity

No matter if you join this group, or where you are in your faith journey, please don’t do it alone. You aren’t alone. Allow others to walk with you. You deserve it, as do those you’ll do life with! 

365 Moments Of Gratitude – Thankful To Have Known Him

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Here is a fair warning to those of you reading. Today’s post will be personal in nature, and not bright and cheery. It is, however, life. Life is unpredictable, and life carries no guarantees. Today I got a very sad telephone call, and it has caused much reflection on my part.

You see, my best friend (spanning decades now) sent me a message to let me know that they had bad shocking news, and that I needed to call. I know her well enough to know this was bad. My heart was heavy. So, I picked up the phone and called, and learned that my lifelong friend – that her brother unexpectedly passed away this morning.

While there is no part of me thankful for his passing, I AM ever so grateful to have known him. George was a unique soul. He was fun, twisted even. He had such a warped sense of humor. He was one those people who always had some new or ingenious way of putting a smile on your face. Growing up, we very much enjoyed picking on him, playing jokes, and just generally being silly. He was a silly human being, turned into a daddy, and also a husband. He knew the meaning of love, and loved his family like no tomorrow. While he always enjoyed being unique, there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for his family and friends. His passing away took everyone by total and complete surprise. He had just celebrated his 42nd birthday. My heart breaks with my best friend, and her entire family. Today we said goodbye far too soon to a friend, a brother, a daddy, a husband, and a son – an amazing person we all knew as George.

Thank you for taking the time to read about my friend today. As I mentioned, it breaks my heart that he is gone, but definitely thankful to have known him.

For those of you reading, if you have lost someone close to you – know that my heart goes out to you. I’d love the opportunity to pray for you, or to talk about your loved one. Please feel free to leave a comment or send me a message via my “contact me” page. I look forward to connecting with you.

Also, I’d like to take this moment to encourage you to do something I hope you already do regularly. Hug your loved ones. Tell them how much you care and love them. Never go to bed angry, and love like there is no tomorrow. For some, that is all too true. Tomorrow isn’t a guarantee. Live and love.

My Thoughts On Christmas Eve

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This morning, I was on Facebook and, where you can update you status, it asked what was on my mind. As My response, I said the following:

What’s on my mind, Facebook? Well, since you asked…on my mind are many things.

I’m quietly remembering that today would have been my grandmother’s birthday. Even though she went to Heaven over a decade ago, I still miss her very much and cherish all the moments and time we did have together.

I’m also thinking about the other side of the family. I’m thinking about my grandmother, as she is celebrating several “firsts” without my granddaddy (her husband of 67 years) by her side. This is the first Christmas he won’t be there. I miss him also very much. Praying God’s loving arms hold and comfort her (and all who are missing him) today and always.

Today I’m also thinking about my friend Andrea who said goodbye to her precious Jonathan at this time last year. I’m praying for her entire family as they remember his short but beautifully meaningful life. May God’s arms of comfort surround them always.

More than all this, though, I’m thinking of another little baby – who would grow to be a Savior – the one who is the King of kings and the Lord of lords…the one the Christmas season is all about -Jesus…thinking of Him and His crazy, undying love for each and every one of us – no strings attached. Just love.

So, with that, I want to wish you all a very blessed Christmas, and a happy New Year. May 2013 be a year of blessing, and may each and every one of you see God’s hand in your life in a very real way.

If you are hurting or struggling this season, please know two things -you are not alone, and I’d be happy to talk, listen, and ultimately to pray for you. Feel free to post in comments, or to message me directly. Smile, friends – you are loved.

As I mentioned, this season can be an amazing and joyful time of the year. However, for many, it can be heartbreaking. On this Christmas Eve, the above are some of the thoughts that are in my head with specifics to this day. In the midst of any heartache, any situation or any turmoil – one thing remains constant…the little baby who grew be the King of Kings, the Lord of lords, and the Savior of all mankind. He is the constant. His love permeates each and every heartbreaking situation you or I may remember or find ourselves facing. Look to Him, knowing you are not alone.

I would like to extend the same thoughts I did earlier on Facebook. If you are celebrating, hurting, joyful or sad – I’d love to talk, listen and hear your story. If you are celebrating and want to share, awesome. If you are mourning and missing someone, not awesome – but, in either scenario, I’d love the opportunity to laugh or cry with you, but more than that – to pray for you. You, my friend, are loved.

Praying For Connecticut Shooting

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As there are more details, I will update this post. Right now, I’d like to make this post – lifting up the families of all those involved in an elementary school shooting this morning in Connecticut. Reading and watching news sources all over the country, there have so far been 27 confirmed dead, 18 20 of which are reported to be children. This is being noted as the worst school shooting in the history of our Nation. May God be with us.

I sit here in tears – with my heart breaking for all involved. Having children this age, I simply cannot imagine. All I want to do right now is grab them up, hug them, hold them and continue to pray. I’d like to ask you to join with me in prayer for this community, and all the nation that grieves with them.

As I browse any number of social media networks, there are numerous – too many to count – mentions of this shooting, accounts of the events unfolding, and broken hearts that accompany them. To see the love and compassion poured out from complete strangers all across the country. These lives have been touched and will never again be the same. May they see love from others, and may they know they are not alone during these dark hours.

My heart, thoughts and prayers are with all concerned – their community and also all those grieving alongside them as the healing process begins. May the God of all creation, with arms that hold the entire universe hold them today. I’m praying for their strength and comfort moving forward. Will you join me?

I’m editing this to add that I’d also like to urge you all to pray for the parents and family of the shooter(s) as well. It’s certainly not the same, but their pain is and will be real – and their lives, also, forever changed.

I’m editing this once again to add that evidently the shooter shot and killed his father, and his mother was a teacher at this school. From the reports I’m hearing, his mother was amongst the casualties inside the school. It’s being reported that this individual set out to take away the things his mother loved most…her family and her (school) kids. My heart breaks for anyone that broken hearted themselves. I simply cannot imagine. Standing in prayer with all concerned.

Now being edited to include the report that it’s been confirmed that at least 20 of the 27 deaths are children. Any life lost is precious. Somehow, as a parent, I cannot fathom losing a child…especially like this.

My final thought on this for now. Earlier today, I posted this on a friends Facebook wall – in response to an on-air broadcast I’d heard:

My heart breaks with these people during this dark hour in their lives. I just don’t get it – and I think that’s okay…cause I don’t want to be living the day when this becomes something we just come to understand – when it becomes just another day. May our hearts always grieve with those who are hurting.